dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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