What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
