Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
