and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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