who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
