They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
