it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
