I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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