Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
