even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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