Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
