I hope mine doesn't look like that
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
