Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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