Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
