shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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