Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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