how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
