when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
