If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
