hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
