my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A+ Viking dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
