The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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