Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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