i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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