I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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