Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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