What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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