Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
