No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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