I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
