i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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