There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
