So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
