so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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