When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
