go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
