he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
