I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
