seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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