I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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