I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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