my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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