He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
