They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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