i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
