we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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