why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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