Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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