I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
