My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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