Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
