dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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