I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pants are for mortals
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