if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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